But, seriously folks

That's what second rate comedians say at the end of their act at the Holiday Inn Lounge when they want to switch from not-so-funny to maudlin. They'll steal a line from Don Rickles and say, "I kid, but I love my (fill in the name of the most recently offended minority here) friends."

So, after PETA does the Porno dance and tries to book a Hooters restaurant in New York City for party honoring Dan Mathews new book - sure to just miss the New York Times list of Best sellers when it comes out...not to worry, though, it's just as sure to make the Hustler list of best sellers - Mathews tried to save the day with this comment:

"Hosting the book party would have showed that Hooters is well rounded in more ways than one. We're always looking for ways to keep the 'T' and 'A' in PETA."

But seriously, folks, he wasn't kidding. Here's the story in its entirety, sad to say:

March 27, 2007 -- THE folks who run Hooters may be the world's biggest boobs - for kissing off a chance to get Pam Anderson into one of their restaurants. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wanted to book the Hooters on West 56th Street for a private party on April 17 feting "Committed: A Rabble-Rouser's Memoir," the new book by PETA honcho Dan Mathews, and planned to serve veggie Buffalo wings. But Hooters suits put the kibosh on the idea on grounds that the organization is too politically charged and controversial. A spokesman for the Chicago-owned chain said: "PETA mobilizes strong feelings on both sides of the fence. It wouldn't make good business sense for us." It's Hooters' loss, because one of the guests expected is longtime PETA booster Anderson, who makes most Hooters girls look underdeveloped. Mathews, who's now looking for a more tolerant venue, told us, "Hosting the book party would have showed that Hooters is well rounded in more ways than one. We're always looking for ways to keep the 'T' and 'A' in PETA."

Now that we know what the "T" and "A" really stand for, let's work on the true meaning of the "P' and "E." Pornographic egotists?

More PETA Porn - Joanna Krupa: ‘I’d Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur’

Model, actor, poseur for Playboy, Maxim and all the other laddie magazines, and spokesperson for Dollhouse Clothing, supermodel Joanna Krupa is known for her 'clothing optional' photo shoots. The Polish-born soft-core porno babe bares it all in PETA´s latest and raciest “I’d Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur” ad.

And to top it off, she posed in not one but three versions of the sexy ad! And did an R-rated video of the whole thing, too! Gosh, I'm all atwitter!

If your pubescent hormones are racing, you can see the posters and watch behind-the-scenes footage from the shoot and her exclusive interview with PETA. If your dorm room needs decorating and someone keeps stealing you Playbout centerfolds off the wall, you can enter to win one of a limited number of Krupa's posters.

One lucky fan will receive a PETA T-shirt and a PETA hat signed by Joanna as well as one signed copy of each poster. Twenty runners-up will receive a personal copy of each poster. Go to www.peta.com and fill out the entry form. Offer void if you were sober or not on spring break in Cabo San Lucas when you entered the contest. Entries limited to the frat house gang who think "Animal House" is a blueprint for college life.

PETA pornsters ticket "fashion felonies"

On Friday, Christine Clarridge, a Seattle Times staff reporter, wrote about PETA's latest effort at schoolboy porn.

"Wearing 'police officer' uniforms, two scantily clad women from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) drew a small crowd Wednesday afternoon as they issued 'tickets' for the 'fashion felonies' of wearing fur, leather or wool."

Sue Oliver and Rachel Bjork are this month's soft core pornettes, gleefully exploiting themselves for a little press coverage and, oh yeah...a cause. As usual, they said braving the cold was "worthwhile if it helped people think twice about how animals that provide materials for clothing items are treated."

The duo, accompanied by a handful of animal-right activists, didn't write many tickets during their hourlong stay at the mall, but they drew plenty of hoots, hollers and admirers.

"It's a great way to raise awareness about a serious issue," Oliver said as she wrote a ticket to a teenage boy who had planted himself in front of her and pointed out his leather shoes.

Teen age boy? Come on! This should be predictable since PETA has started a blog they've names --- I'm serious about this --- PETA File. What kind of perverse pun is that?

For the rest of the hormonal teenage boys who couldn't make it to the mall for the Sue and Rachel skin show, PETA porn is in high gear, promoting their annual North America's Sexiest Vegetarians contest. It's at least an equal opportunity effort. They're looking for the sexiest men as well as women. Let no potential centerfold go uncovered.